What do you want to be when you grow up? There was once a day when kids responded with the typical American answers ranging from firemen to presidents; but not anymore my friend. We live in an era where media controls society. Gimli enters the picture.
The fat, smelly, barbaric, slow, dimwitted and sometimes intolerable dwarf that co-starred in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Our hearts go out to Gimli as we pay him his due respect with what we like to call our "Tribute to Gimli", aka "The Death of Gimli, A Hobbit's Tale."
America sat there and cried as he gained trust, respect and friendship among the fellowship of the ring. We were surprised and amazed at his courage when he was thrown into the raging hoard of barbaric trolls that tried to sweep through the castle gates. "Toss me" he said, and tossed he was.
Giggles and laughter left our mouths as we witnessed his horrible table manners. With food rampant in his larger then life beard and an appetite equal to ten men, he kept us entertained and on our toes.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Well the answer has been beautifully and majestically shaped into a new monster. Today the kids shout out with inspiration waivering throughout their squeaky little voices, "Gimli!" But this time, the kids aren't the only ones to answer. With an incredible amount of outsourcing, even the older generations carry the same goal. Gimli lives on, after the trilogy and after the emotions that he placed in our hearts; he does live on.
So the mission was clear, Blazedent was determined to search the entire country to find those out there who felt like they had the closest connection with our pudgy, ugly, little friend. While our list is not nearly complete, we took the top picks of the masses and asked them a few questions. Our first friend we came across was midget named Mick, here's what he had to say...
Blazedent(BE): So Mick, when was it that you first realized that you and Gimli were one in the same?
Mick: From the day I was born there was always this strong feeling inside of me...things that were unexplainable, things that made me stick out from the crowd.
BE: What kind of feelings, friend?
Mick: Well I mean, I am a midget as you may know. But aside from that I always had a strong urge to dress up in capes, where a horned helmet and carry around an axe.
BE: You do know that the real Gimli never wore a cape and had no such thing as this "horned helmet" that you speak of...and the last time we checked, yea, his sword wasn't plastic and it certainly wasn't hollow.
Mick: Do you wish to quiet those hollow threats of yours, or would you rather be smite from the earth with one solid follow through of a dwarf's counterpart that you humans call an axe?
[the sound of a hollow plastic axe hitting my arm]
BE: What the hell dude?
Yea, after that we split to find more of those lovable axe swinging blobs of joy. To many, not enough time. May I also mention that plastic does make a difference. Not to far from the scene of the accident, Blazedent found another Gimli advocate named Terry that we almost mistook as the real mccoy.
BE: That's a great freaking costume.
BE: Sound effects too? You don't play do you.
Terry: So much for the legendary courtesy of Blazedent! Speak words I can also understand!
BE: Hmmm. Why is it that when we finally find someone that we really want to talk to, one that seems to have an actual physical similarity between Gimli, he turns out to be a nut?
Terry: Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul! (dwarvish that when translated to english means "I spit upon your grave!")
BE: You even speak dwarvish! You have gotta be one of the cutest lil dwarves that ever lived!
Terry: Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.
BE: Aww, do you wanna come home with me? We can play games, watch some movies and be best friends forever. Although that which you speak seems to coincide with a favorite movie trilogy of mine...
Terry: So do I, and so do all who live to see such times.
BE: Had me going until that. I definately know your not the real Gimli now. That last one seems to me to originate from Gandalf.
I hung my head and walked away that day. So close, yet so far away. I honestly thought that we had found him. But alas, the search must continue.
The Gimlis thats crossed paths with for the most part didn't seem to understand that the Lord of the Rings trilogy is fake, not real, as in it never happened; and I'm sure that with those words poster upon the internet for all to see, hate mail with gather in that tiny inbox of mine.
One Gimli pleaded, begged at my feet, for me to stop telling him that his beard was fake and his name wasn't Gimli at all. Another cried as I introduced him to his action figure.
While some of the Gimlis seemed real enough for us. One has to stop and wonder what this world has come to when its a midget covered in plastic that serves as the present day version of Gimli.
And that is when I asked one of them the question, "What would Gimli do?" The small fury boy trembled as his shaky voice through the quiet reply back to me. "I am Gimli," started as a whisper, and then it grew louder and louder until the yelling almost hurt my ears.
When you see fans that become this obsessed over a portly and rude dwarf, we all begin to wonder what has the whole concept of Gimli mean to me? The sad part of it all, is that while Gimli lives in our heart, on our game consoles, in our game rooms, and in thousands of different types of merchandise out there; the real Gimli is dead.
And what's even worse is that he memory we have of him doesn't fade; it morphs into a whole new animal that we all come to despise and look down upon. Let us all take a few seconds out of our busy schedules to stop and have some silence for our chunky lil engine that could...
- Joseph Lookabaugh